heartbeats

§ one night to be confused...

dark eyes, fierce and... innocent?

mountain peaks jutting looming

naked skies wrap music making

who is this magnificent creature?

no, please don’t go

don’t say goodnight.

one night to speed up truth...

miraculous stumbling upon

a second goddess encounter

no more worshipping false idols

I am so intensely present to myself; to her

yes, five becomes three becomes two

just us now.

we had a promise made...

first night: glances that dared questioned yearned

second night: lingering gazes that played caressed penetrated

finally alone, first touch, first kiss

cleaved! in two. a voice shouting out from the darkness above

no, please don’t go

please, please, please. don’t say goodnight.

four hands and then away...

a quarrel, some bags, a bus, and then

quiet. we are alone. together.

no confusion just the thick truth of our desire

four hands, entwined limbs, kisses, caresses

yes, I am shattered by you

pray the sun will never rise.

both under influence...

consciousness swims

where do I end and you begin?

I am lost in a sea of you

your eyes (those eyes!), your scent, your skin

no, please don’t go

passing out now would be a cruelty beyond compare

we had divine sense...

morning birdsong sunrise grief

i’ve lost her. no way to find her. she’s gone.

south india plains monastery; worlds away

yet, absurd impossible hope somehow hot and alive

yes! another miracle electronic and flickering.

will she plunge leap blindly foolishly? for me?

to know what to say...

exotic beauty, peace, chanting, flowing blood robes

but my mind is consumed; all I can feel is her

one email a day, each day painfully long

did she call me cowboy?

no, neither caution nor restraint will be allotted roles in our play.

my very being thrums: she is on her way. this miracle makes three.

mind is a razor blade...

a light drizzle of little rain droplet gifts: what we didn’t expect

rivulets of innocence under scar tissue

honesty, wandering, keeping company with humbling monks

nighttime expeditions into the forests of each other

yes, I want nothing more.

release, let go, and bathe in the softness of my adoration

§ one night of magic rush...

tel aviv. six years nearly to the day

anxious clock tick pints on a patio pub

she is flesh again: fourth miracle (flesh; and those eyes...)

I am flooded; electricity and blood and thirst

perhaps it wasn’t all a dream?

these feelings, so familiar; we’ve been here before.

the start a simple touch...

wine and song; I am in her nest, I am home

mutual hesitation: what if we touch and the illusion dissolves?

sudden crash resistance dam burst

the start: a simple touch

perhaps we... dare we... is this... fate?

please. to pass out now would be a cruelty beyond compare

one night to push and scream...

I watch her sleep. I play with her hair.

I nuzzle her neck. I kiss her flesh.

I watch her sleep. I trace her features with my fingers.

consciousness swims; I am pulled under.

perhaps it’s best this way. one night to push and scream,

but would we have survived tearing ourselves in two yet again?

and then relief...

the holy land; the wellspring of history itself

this nation: the exuberance of youth,

the hardened weariness of constant threat

but my mind is consumed; all I can feel is her

perhaps I will somehow return? perhaps the cosmos

will pluck her from the promised land and gently lay her within arms reach

perhaps there is yet a third act to our play: a fifth miracle

perhaps there remains, there is yet to come:

ten days of perfect tunes

the colors red and blue

we (will have) had a promise made

we...

§ dare we believe in the most absurd of all fictions?



for ES  (August 2012)